The "Perfect" Sleeper huh?

This is our Brand New KING size Mattress. (not our bedroom though.)
It's name is "the perfect sleeper". When we laid on it to test it out, we fell in love. no other bed after was the same. including our own when we got home. I couldn't sleep that night, all i could do was talk down to my bed, asking it why it couldn't be more like the "perfect sleeper".
but finally after a grueling weekend, anticipating the arrival of our beloved bed, it came. at 2:34pm on a lovely tuesday after noon. the dorkiest, yet cute, Total RM's set it up, then in a awkward flash, were gone, before i could even offer them a drink, or a popsicle (being the only thing we wanna eat around here, lately)
I was so excited to sleep on it. I kept walking past our room to see it, then once we would finally make eye contact i would walk in and casually say, "oh hi, you new around here?" It was like it was the new hot chick in town, and i was a creeper stalking my prey.
Finally, Mike got home, with just as much excitement in his eyes. he quickly showered, then we broke the bed in..... by jumping on it of course. Mike then bumped his head, and now no more monkeys will be jumping on our bed.
In most relationships isn't there a "more mature" one? In our family, there hasn't seemed to be one yet. Mike and I are both like "a kid in a candy store" with about anything really. but a new "Toy", we go Loco!! around 7:18pm Mike opted that we go watch a movie in our new bed... which means he will be asleep around 7:23pm (new bed or not) but im not gunna Not go lay with him, even though i know the very out come. so of course what i had predicted happened. Mike fell asleep. now it was 7:30pm and I was ( no longer smooshed, being we got a King for that very reason) between Mike and Remi, who both give off massive amounts of heat in the night. but luckily, our new mattress has a cooling system right? wrong! well.... it is right that it has it, but wrong that it doesn't work as well as i would've hoped between my 275 pound husband and my 5 pound dog. so, i cracked the window and soon fell asleep. but there was a problem. Im a night owl. always have been always will be. I'll only be a early bird if it's for something fun (clearly a yellow)
so, after about the 100th time of listening to the Arrested Development menu repeat it's self and the non stop orchestra of Mike, Remi, and Oaklee snoring, I gave up, then got up, at 11:48pm. I knew going to bed at 7:30 wasn't going to work out. especially after years of staying up until 3,4,5 then going to school or work at 7 and running off redbull and doing it all over again, night after night, day after day. I was clearly asking to have insomnia! Some how i thought a new bed would help, when all it did was make Mike snore louder. but, if all that means is he is sleeping better and his back and shoulder pains subside due to this new "perfect sleeper", then i will be satisfied and give this bed a perfect review. because my husband, being the amazing man he is, wakes up every day at 4:30, works a long hard 15 hour day, and never complains. he comes home to me late at night, but always with a smile on his face. I couldn't dream up a better man to provide for our family. ("dream" was probably the wrong word to use... being that i don't sleep)